


No Judgments.

by lavenderhoneymndes



Series: Manners [3]
Category: Shawn Mendes (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - BDSM, F/M, Kink Negotiation, Kinky, Subspace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:16:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22215436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderhoneymndes/pseuds/lavenderhoneymndes
Summary: Shawn and his girlfriend have a talk about that thing that they do.
Relationships: Shawn Mendes/Reader, Shawn Mendes/You
Series: Manners [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1599130
Kudos: 8





	No Judgments.

Wednesday nights were your unofficial date nights. An odd night of the week maybe, but it was the only night you had to yourselves. Most nights he was at the cafe ‘till late, going over orders and things and you were at school locked up in the library until they kicked you out. So Wednesdays were your day to really enjoy one another without any distractions.

Like any other Wednesday night, you’d gotten off of work at about six and immediately headed to Shawn's tiny apartment. When you got there he was looking over the same three takeaway menus like he always did, and just like every other Wednesday, he puts them down in favor of making something for the two of you himself. There wasn’t much in the fridge but he always managed to whip the two of you up something nice.

For the most part, everything was going as it usually did for the two of you except something was just a hair off. Well, maybe a little more than a hair. You noticed it as soon as you stepped foot through the door when Shawn only greeted you with a brief peck on the lips and his best customer service smile. It was the same one he flashed you nearly every day at the cafe before you started dating. Part of you was offended but a bigger part of you was scared. He had been a little distant in the last couple of days. He wasn’t as smiley, or excited when he talked to you. He was taking forever to respond to your text messages. And the sex? Yeah, that pretty much stopped too. It was once a daily thing if you could manage it, but he’d barely put his hands on you in four days. No matter how close to you he was, he just seemed so far away. But you shook it off. You flashed him an equally manufactured smile and made yourself at home. You went straight to his room and helped yourself to one of his t-shirts and a pair of gym shorts making the short trek back into the kitchen to help Shawn cook. 

Cooking was silent, and dinner was even worse. After clearing the plates, Shawn moved to the couch, turning on the T.V without a word, and you followed behind him. It hurts that you were so surprised when he opened his arms out for you to cuddle into him. It shouldn’t be a question but the way things had been going all night, you hadn’t expected it. If you weren’t so heartbroken and scared you’d be downright annoyed with how he’s been acting. But you figured if you let him brood long enough, eventually he’d get talking. You didn’t want to be the one to make the first move, in fear of it turning into a fight, but you didn’t have to wait for long. Within five minutes of you being curled under his arm, he’s muted the TV looking down at you with those big brown eyes. 

“I wanna talk to you about something.” His voice was shaky with nerves like it’d been when he picked you up for your first date, but the look on his face was all business.

“Okay,” you say cautiously

His lets out a nervous cough, shifting himself on the couch nervously, as if he wasn’t expecting you to be so willing to talk to him, hoping that maybe he wouldn’t need to have this conversation with you even though he knows it’s got to be done.

“Okay um…can you just. Come here. '' He shifted you around, placing you on his lap your knees on either side of him, his hands finding rest on your hips. You played with the hem of his shirt, anything just to distract yourself from whatever fight, or break up was about to happen. He reached for your hands, lacing them with his own. “You know how we - sometimes we get a little rough?”

This was not at all where you thought this conversation was headed. You have never known Shawn to be coy when it came to your sex life. He was the confident one, always initiating and the one with the filthy mouth. You were the one that was supposed to be shy. You don’t have the mouth that Shawn does, but the same thoughts were constantly running through your head, if not filthier. But now, he was so anxious it looked like he wanted to crawl out of his skin. You wanted to interject, to say something. Anything. Mainly to hear the conversation in any other direction, but his tone and the way he was gnawing at his lip let you know this was one of those times he just needed to talk. So instead of deflecting, you just gave him a shy nod.

“You like that stuff right? What we do sometimes?” He lifts his head from looking down at your intertwined hands, signaling you to finally speak up.

“Yeah. I mean if you do?”

“No, babe. Do _you_ like it?” He pulls your chin up to look at him and suddenly he doesn't seem nervous anymore.

You nod your head again, looking down at your hands intertwined with his, chewing the inside of your cheek.

“Honey, you gotta talk to me.” There’s that tone in his voice that you love oh so much. The rough almost demanding tone he takes on in your most intimate times.

“Yeah, I like it. It’s - I don’t know how to explain it.”

“Try.”

_Goddamnit_. You’re not sure where this confidence is coming from, why he’s suddenly the confident boy you’ve known him to be, but you already miss the fumbling nervous Shawn from a few seconds ago. You’re an adult you know that, but talking about your sex life, or sex in general when you’re not in the heat of the moment…you have a hard time expressing anything in normal situations, let alone this. And now.

“It’s like when I’m stressed or whatever. I can relax, and let you take care of me. I mean you always do, even when we aren’t...doing that.” Your words come out quickly, almost justifying your explanation, but he just kept his eyes on you. Not judging, just listening. But it felt more like he was taking an inventory of everything. Every nervous tick, every fumble over your words. It wasn’t helping your case in the slightest.

You can hardly bring yourself to finish your sentences, to explain just what it is exactly what you mean, but he knows what you mean. The encouraging little smile he gives you lets you know he understands what you’re stumbling to say. He wasn’t making any attempt to stop you, so you kept talking.

“It’s just different somehow, and you’re different. Not in a bad or better way just different and I trust you to just deal with my shit for a while.” You both let out a weak laugh. You turned your eyes down about halfway through the speech and when you look back up at him trying to signal for him to please, _please_ interrupt you. But he didn’t. He was so intent on getting every bit of information from you.

He couldn’t fuck this up. The conversation was a long time coming and if Shawn’s being honest with himself, it was long overdue. Because what happened last weekend could have 100% been avoided and was almost entirely his fault. It started small at first, and almost unnoticeable. A stern look here. A playful smack to the bum there, and you were putty in his hands. But after the first night of you being really ‘out of it’ after a particularly adventurous night, he knew where things were headed with the two of you. He was new to it himself, having only stumbled upon it a while ago with an ex. But even then it wasn't the same. It felt like he was just going through the motions, but with you….you brought something out in him. He’s not sure what it is but something about the two of you just worked. You feel safe with him, and for the first time in a long time, Shawn can honestly say he feels the same.

“I don’t know if I’m making sense,” you whisper nibbling on your bottom lip.

He gives you a small shy smile, giving your hands a light squeeze. “No, it- it makes sense, honey. Anything else.?”

You took a deep breath and decided to go for it. If he was going to sit there and make you spread all your dirty laundry out there you might as well get it all off of your chest.

“ I- like when you’re bossy.” you don’t look up from your fingers intertwined with his, but you can hear the smirk in his voice when he hums in agreement, spurring you on further. “Or when you scold me for something.” That’s not the right word, is it? Scold? That can’t be the right word. But now that you said it, suddenly it’s just a stream of consciousness leaving your lips you can't stop it.

“And we do that all the time. The bickering. We joke around a lot and you’ll call me a brat, but when we um when we are like that- that’s different too. I don’t know how it just is. It feels different you bossing me around and telling me what to do. But I don’t mind, because I just want to do something for you. I mean you put up with a lot of my shit Shawn. And I know I’m not easy to deal with sometimes, I know that. So when we’re like that I just want to help you relax or, take the load off? If that makes sense.”

The longer you went on the easier the words left you. But it was more of a nervous tick, than actual confidence. When you did look up, there was a soft almost regretful look in Shawn’s eyes. Which wasn't the look you expected?

“I said something wrong didn’t I. None of this is making any sense” you mumble pulling away from him but he’s quick to bring you back down to him.

“You didn’t say anything wrong.” There is a long pause and you are about to get up from his lap and hide in the bathroom when he finally speaks. “It makes complete sense, honey.” He pulled your hands into his and pressed a kiss to your knuckles.

There’s an even longer pause and it’s starting to get to you. “Shawn?” you whisper urging him to continue and take the lead of the conversation.

“It’s the same for me. Well, it’s different, but. When we um, when we are like that I notice that you’re different too.” He’s not sure why he’s avoiding the topic. It has to happen, and he knows that. But there’s no easy way to put this, that won’t entirely freak you out. “Do you remember last weekend? And you said that you were, hazy afterward.”

You are mortified. Of all the things to discuss, that is what he wanted to talk about. The one thing that you swore to yourself to lock away in the vault with the rest of your most embarrassing moments. That?!

“Oh my god. Shawn, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I was so weird. I didn’t mean to-” you groan through your hands that you’d thrown over your face trying to hide from him.

“Hey, no no, it’s nothing bad. I swear.” He takes your hands away from your face, placing a few more kisses on your knuckles to calm you down and it works, but only a little.

“It’s okay. There’s um, actually a name for it. I should have- we probably should have talked about this earlier but-” nervous Shawn was back, and you were a little bit relieved to be back on equal ground.

“A name?”

“Yeah-” He opened his mouth as if to say more but he didn’t. “Hang on.” He lifts you off his lap, and runs towards his room, reemerging with his laptop. “This is probably easier.” He says the words more to himself than anything. He takes a somewhat distant seat next to you as he powers it up. A Wiki article is what he decides on, it’s the least intimidating thing he could think of, and maybe the academic format won’t seem as scary. He passes over the computer biting what’s left of his nails nervously.

You try not to make a face, you swear you do, but you couldn't help the gasp that escaped your lips when you saw the four letters on the screen. BDSM.

You scrolled for a few minutes, too scared to venture out and actually click on any of the links. Shawn was sat there silent, still chewing on his nails. you can't pull your eyes away from the laptop. It was an avalanche of definitions and terms and…pictures. The room was silent for a long time until Shawn had had enough.

“Honey?”

You pull your eyes away from the screen and look at him for the first time in what feels like an eternity. You don’t say anything, just fidget chewing the inside of your cheek, which drives Shawn crazy because you _never_ have nothing to say.

“It’s not as weird as people make it out to be. It’s - we’ve been doing it, more or less already. You just- have a name for it now.” Shawn stammers, rubbing at the back of his neck. Shawn goes on some more, trying to explain himself, carefully trying not to scare you off, but you are entranced. You keep scrolling and then you freeze. And Shawn knows what you’ve stopped on. He peeks over at the screen and sees it: _Subspace_. He looks between you and the screen trying to gauge your reaction as you read through the definition. But he can’t take your staring at the screen anymore and pulls the laptop away, tossing it aside and pulling you into him.

“Honey please say something.”

“I just - I don’t know what to say.”

“Anything.”

“Last weekend. That was -”

“Yeah. Subspace. It’s - it's a weird name I know and it can sound...scary. So you don’t have to call it that if it makes you feel weird.” Turning more to face you, and you finally speak.

“So last weekend? That’s was- .”

“ Yeah. It’s like, tunnel vision almost. It’s like you’re so focused on what’s going on and how you’re feeling, that sometimes you can get um-”

“Hazy,” you whisper.

“Yeah. Sometimes, not always.”

“So that’s what happened. You just…fucked my brains out?” you smirk trying to ease the tension, a little and it works. You finally got your first genuine Shawn smile of the night.

“That’s one way to put it, yeah.” he smiles for a moment before he’s looking back down at his destroyed cuticles and nibbling on his bottom lip, “It almost happened a while ago too. When we um… after my open mic thing a few weeks ago. Do you remember?”

“Yeah, I - yeah,” you mumble a little embarrassed. You don’t remember much of it. You remember Shawn above you, his hand around your neck, no pressure just resting it there. Everything was fine, and then you started to feel floaty, it felt nice but you were talking and whining and you could hear yourself and you were embarrassed but it was like you were stuck in some sort of in-between. It was Shawn who managed to pull you back with a kiss, his forehead resting against yours telling you how good you were for him. It was a new kind of intense, and since then you’d been chasing after it. You finally got another taste of it last weekend, but you needed more. Without completely looking like a fool.

“How can you tell?” you’re only asking because maybe if you know when it’s going to happen you can, stop it. That way you could stop making a fool of yourself during sex. You’ve already got a big enough complex about it as it is, this is the last thing that you need. 

“You just get spacy. You’re not as verbal, and your eyes sort of- it’s like your high or something. And then you get pretty clingy. And you want me close to you. Which I don’t mind obviously.” He stops for a second, with a smirk on his face as he goes on.

“You stop making any real sense for a while. But when you do start talking it sounds like you’ve had a few. It’s oddly cute. It did scare me the first time it happened because I’ve never seen it before and I didn’t know what to do, but now I can kinda sense it I guess.”

“Subspace huh?” you go on as if you didn’t hear a word Shawn has just said. But suddenly you're intrigued.

“Yeah. But we don’t have to call it that if it freaks you out or anything.”

Call it confidence or curiosity, but you finally turn yourself completely towards Shawn with the hint of a smirk on your face.

“Teach me.”


End file.
